Tomorrow, tomorrow

Tomorrow is a big deal.


Tomorrow is a day that our family has been waiting for over a year for. 


Tomorrow is the first in a series of appointments to get a diagnosis for Ivan. 


It’s hard to describe how I am feeling about it. Heartburn pretty much sums it up. I’ve been fighting to get him tested since he started Pre-K. That was truly when I realized that this could be more then just having a child who was difficult. It was hard to get anyone to listen to me. It’s as if everyone acknowledged that there was a problem but they just shrugged and wouldn't help. From the moment he was born Ivan could NOT sleep. We knew he was exhausted but every time naps or bedtime came around he would just scream his guts out and fight it so hard. He slept in a baby swing for the first three months he was alive, and it had to be on the fastest setting. It never got better. My father could get him to sleep by gently brushing a pattern on Ivan’s face while singing to him. It never worked for me. So I would just hold him and tell him I loved him while he cried and screamed and eventually passed out. He would get so exhausted and run down that he would throw up. Finally about a year ago I broke down and got onto Amazon Prime and ordered an all natural sleep aid that was made for children and not habit forming. That mixed with worlds most strict and extensive bedtime routine has made bedtime easier. Now when people see him go to bed they are in awe of how easy it is. No one has any idea that if I wait three minutes longer then 7:30pm to get him into his bed all bets are off. 


Since his doctor recommended we get him tested I have read all of the books. I’ve done all of the late night research on my phone while I should be sleeping. It took a full year of waiting for an appointment. In that time I’ve been reading and trying different strategies and he is doing so much better. Meltdowns are much less frequent, he's sleeping and eating. Switching to a new school made a ton of difference. Within the first two weeks they had him tested and in Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy and a special once a week lunch group that helps him with social interactions. They have tons of in class modifications for him, which I feel split on really. I want him to get help and make things easier for him but I also don’t want him to feel isolated because he has to wear noise canceling headphones and no one else does. 


The testing is going to take around a month and after that we get to decide what further actions to take. In a meeting with his in school therapist they explained to me Sensory Processing Disorder and that it sounds like he is sensory seeking. That was a disorder that it took me forever to understand. It took three books for me to really get it, and Balanced and Barefoot by Angela Hanscom was the one that really made it all click in my brain. 


Currently I am working on getting him outside as much as possible to work on his sensory issues. Screen time is slowly melting away, he is fully obsessed with watching cartoons or documentaries about fish. I’d love to let him watch the educational shows that he loves so much but screen time turns him into an angry little creature. Also in Balanced and Barefoot that was explained in a simple way. This has basically turned into a not paid for advertisement for that book. No shame here. Hopefully after we get some sort of label the path that is best for Ivan will become clear.